You finally got a girl!

When I am out and about people are pretty drawn to Celia.  She’s a very mild mannered baby… her head resembles a newborn chick… she has an infectious smile that she throws around often… and she almost always has a cute, huge bow plastered on her head.  She’s a magnet for smiles.  In fact if you look at my daughter and don’t smile, I judge you. Harshly.

I digress.

She is awesome and people like her.  They then almost always look at the boys, count 1 – 2 and say “Aww, you finally got a girl.” (or some variation)

Now I find this funny for a couple reasons.

1. I have 3 kids people… I don’t have 7 or 8 or 9 boys and then finally I “got” a little girl. 2 boys… then a girl… that’s it.  It’s not that amazing.

2. They assume I wanted a girl in the first place.  I know plenty of mamas who are perfectly happy with their loud, dirt loving, lovable little boys.  Girls are high pitched, drama filled and well girly.  They are cute too but pros and cons people.

3. They assume I wanted Chase or Lucas to be a girl…. like I was pining away for a little girl and was disappointed when there was an X and a Y chromosome and not 2 X’s.  Like somehow they weren’t what I wanted so we tried again.  The truth is I wanted Chase to be a boy.  I always wanted an older brother growing up and unfortunately didn’t get that… so I wanted my firstborn to be a boy so any other kids would have an older brother.  Not to knock older sisters… I am sure they are awesome too.  It’s just what flies around in my head.  With Lucas I would have been happy either way.  We knew we were having 3 so there was always still another chance after him to have a girl and if was a boy then great… he would make a great playmate for Chase.  And if God gave me a 3rd little boy, I was going to be happy with that too.  3 was our limit and God is the orchestrator.

Obviously what ended up happening is we have 2 wonderful big brothers and a sweet little sister.  I couldn’t have planned my family any better if I tried.  I love how we turned out.  My boys love Celia and treat her like a princess.  I hope between them and her daddy she grows up knowing that she is worthy of love, respect and dignity and doesn’t feel the need to look elsewhere like I did growing up.

Anyone that knows me knows I was thrilled beyond belief when I found out I was having a girl.  I screamed, cried and made sure my friend wasn’t lying (as if she would lie about something so important)… I just couldn’t believe I was being blessed with this little girl.

All that being said… ever since I started telling people and since she came into this world, the above statement has haunted me.  I always felt an irritation but couldn’t put my finger on it…. couldn’t explain the frustration behind hearing it.

Then tonight a simple text between friends made it clear.

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I wasn’t waiting for a girl.  I was waiting for my mom and I get her through my Celia.  She is my Iris.  She is what I can imagine I was for my mom.  She looks at me with love and I imagine that’s how I looked at my mom.  She is what I needed when I didn’t think I needed anything.

My family is perfect for me.

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One Response to You finally got a girl!

  1. Barbara Jo Sorensen says:

    That’s very insightful and touching. And I imagine that insight to be healing it must also be bittersweet because your mom’s no longer in this world.

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